Why are we so angry at Peter Kenneth?

Don’t blink, if you do, you will miss it-the exact moment when Kenya officially becomes a Thuggocracy.

The first wave of this moment was the still inexplicable tiff between Hassan Joho and the President.

It is only in a thuggocracy where you have 20,000 aspirants for 2,500 elective positions. Unless of course you believe a fervor for public service has swept over the land.

If it’s any comfort at least we have standards: No Mungiki were allowed to even participate in the nominations so there is hope. Ann Waiguru got a certificate of good conduct but hey…

Personal ROTFL moment: Mohammed Ali thinking he would be given a fair shake at the Nyali parliamentary seat. Did he honestly think the Puruwanja la Mihadrati crowd would let him win a seat in their backyard?

This nomination period represents the formal takeover of this country by the thuggocratic class; and no single race illustrates this phenomenon than the race for the Nairobi Gubernatorial race within the Jubilee Party.

I have spent the last four months listening on in this race and I still do not get it. At what point do we evaluate Peter Kenneth and Sonko on the same scale?

Wait a minute. Hear me out.
For 10 years Peter Kenneth was the standard of leadership in this country. While most MPs blew their CDF allocations on pot bellies, STIs and a 100 school desks for the entire constituency; he presided over a well-run program with tangible projects and results. And despite what Miguna Miguna says the character and performance of CDF is a reflection on the MP.

For 10 years Sonko has been the standard of jester-ship in Kenya; a proven disappointment in speech and action. And now we want to hand him the keys to the capital of Kenya, 60% of the GDP, 40 Billion shillings a year and 4 million residents to lead.

The truth is none of these two men have changed: PK is still who he was and Sonko is still the same.

What changed? How did we get here?
5 or 10 years ago Sonko would not have the chutzpah to pull this move but the thuggofication of our politics has made him bold. Look at Kiambu County where voters have a choice between William Kabogo and Ferdinand Waititu.

If you listen to Sonko keenly you will notice he does not make a leadership claim for Nairobi. According to him Nairobi is his reward for crying with the President at an unspecified date in 2013.

He does not talk about service delivery, or vision or a plan. He has tried to address this by throwing out names of ‘heavy hitters’ to deputise him. At the weekend he claimed Chris Kirubi would be his economic advisor- DJ CK politely declined.

John Gakuo and Jimnah Mbaru have also been mentioned as potential Deputy GOvernors. The fact that Sonko himself feels unqualified and needs to compensate with a capable deputy is all Nairobi voters need to know. Let us be honest with each other; even if we got Obama to be Sonko’s deputy- that would not gurantee good leadership.

The Deputy Governor has no powers, and even if Sonko got the best advisors in the world ultimately he would have to make the decisions; he would have to set the vision and take a direction. If he is going to let the advisors and technocrats run the city, a citizen might ask, why do we need him? What happens when advisor A and B come to him with different analyses?

A lot of people claim rightly that Sonko is a generous man. He helps people. Applause. This makes him a philanthropist not a leader. When Sonko runs a treatment camp at Nyayo Stadium during the doctors strike- he is operating in the charity space. He is no different from the Missionaries or other do gooders. Its also great PR but it certainly is not government.

Governing people is about systems, policies, programs and deployment of resources. The 4 million residents of Nairobi cannot all get sorted on a case by case basis; a broken leg here, an eviction there, a fire there.

From what I can gather PK’s crime was that he run for President, and lost. And then he retreated to private life with a scattering of public comment mostly via social media and newspaper articles. On his facebook page the no 1 question is where have you been? Does that really matter? What is the correct answer to that question? What does that tell us?

Isn’t the more important question: What can you for do Nairobi?

I think it should be.

SO YOU ARE AN ATHEIST…..

A few weeks ago I sneaked into the Whatsapp group for Atheists in Kenya-the formal association of non-believers in Kenya.

I went on to spend an eventful 12 hours in the group.

When the Atheists in Kenya ‘thing’ started last year, I largely stayed out of the fray on both sides because I thought the whole ‘thing’ was exquisitely pedestrian and nothing but a clever ruse for that Harrison fellow to look smart and get loads of free publicity.

The so-called Atheists in Kenya bring no new ideological perspective or viewpoint to our common understanding of human ethics, or the transcendent experience or the ordering of our civilization.

They also lack original arguments but to be fair it takes a lifetime of knowledge and thought to come up with such so I can let them off the hook for that.

Gitau Warigi wrote an op-ed making largely the same point namely that ‘atheism is a serious ethical position.’ It is not a way to feed your narcissism, look smart or acquire free publicity.

Phillip Ochieng’s atheism for example is built on an extensive foundation of knowledge on history, politics, religion and language. It is not a ‘thing’- it is the sum of a life’s work of thought, serious thought.

I am not saying atheism is for ridiculously smart people; anyone can be atheist. However if you are going to use atheism as an agenda or as a platform you had better have a  foundation of knowledge behind you.

On the about page of this blog I have chosen to declare as my inspiration a quote by the late Christopher Hitchens on the importance of the essay as a tool for change, progress and the advancement of the human condition.

Christopher Hitchens is the Author of:  God is Not Great: How Religion Poison’s Everything (the Atheism bible) and the Portable Atheist. He is also a formidable essayist, scholar, historian, political commentator, literary critic and journalist with over 30 years of irresistible writing under his belt. He has written books on Thomas Paine, George Orwell, and Thomas Jefferson. He is also the writer of ‘Letters to a Young contrarian’ a book I unreservedly recommend.

When I said the arguments presented by the AIK were not original; I meant they were borrowed from Christopher Hitchens. The ‘Hitch’ was probably the best debater atheism has ever had and perhaps its most brutal-“the Bible is a fairytale’. ‘God is a petty narcissist.’ ‘Mother Theresa is a fraud’– he actually wrote a book length essay on her titled-The Missionary position.

One of the most intriguing elements of the AIK is how closely they resemble a church. Shakespeare has a perfect line for this…. “The policeman who lashes the whore has a hot need to use her for the very offense for which he plies the lash.”

They have a guy with title-President. It’s a self-given title- think of all the self-appointed Apostles, Bishops and other conmen of the word.

The AIK meet once a month and contribute a certain amount for the running of the group. Let’s agree to not call it-Sadaka. The third and perhaps most intriguing way that the AIK is like a church is proselytizing.  That is just a fancy word for preaching and the acquisition of believers. It’s what the Jehovah Witness and all other missionaries do.

If they had the time-AIK would be in your City Hoppa preaching.

Why? How is that different from the City Hoppa preacher or the prosperity gospel church in town?

How does the Atheist’s organization being registered help anyone or advance any cause other than publicity?

Let’s go back to the whatsapp group.

To get into the Whatsapp group one has to go through the President. You whatsapp him and notify him of your desire to join and he gives you the dos and don’ts.

I did not know what to expect; I hoped for interesting if not rigorous debate on religion, ethics and science. None of that.

There was an earnest debate about Babu Owino for a few hours with several confessions to drug taking and or of knowledge of Babu’s involvement in the business.

There was also a session for planning the President’s TV appearance that evening or the next morning.

The best part though was when members dished about their ‘Christian’ significant others and how they planned to dump these ‘believers’ because they could not be with them in their current state of un-enlightenment.

A fair amount of time was spent mocking Christianity and the simple-mindedness of believers.

Now this is my biggest issue with AIK and the atheist position in particular. Mocking Christians-funnily enough never Muslims or Hindus-is not enough. Anyone who hated Sunday school can do that-what is your proposition? What do you bring to the table? If I accept your position what does that mean ?

From what I can gather particularly from the President’s TV appearances-Atheism is all about offending Christians and making fun of the Bible and feeling smarter than Christians. That’s an underwhelming representation and disservice if not outrage to one of the biggest debates of mankind.

It is not enough to be against something-at some point you must define what you stand for.  What you think is admirable, right and just-what you think is the way forward for the human soul.

Christopher Hitchens spent a lifetime debating the existence of God. At his memorial service one of his dearest friends, the author Ian McEwan, made the same exact point. That he sensed that Christopher had been struggling with the other side of the question. And that in his last book-The Portable Atheist-written after cancer had struck the Hitch- he found a string of an answer, whether it is enough is a question for another time.

There are the beauties of science and the extraordinary marvels of nature. There is the consolation and irony of philosophy. There are the infi­nite splendors of literature and poetry, not excluding the liturgical and devo­tional aspects of these, such as those found in John Donne or George Herbert. There is the grand resource of art and music and architecture, again not excluding those elements that aspire to the sublime. In all of these pursuits, any one of them enough to absorb a life time, there may be found a sense of awe and magnificence that does not depend at all on any invocation of the supernatural.

It’s almost like the AIK want some sort of prize or commendation for being Atheist and Kenyan; like they have brought us this remarkable enlightenment that we could not do without in our lives or country. They can proceed to have a cookie.

I am not opposed to the registration of Atheists or for it; I think it is largely an irrelevant proposition-as is the group and their churchy ways.

Something for the sad this Xmas

Nelly Njeru put up a facebook post urging her friends, me included, to spare a thought for those facing Xmas with a bit or a lot of sadness, a bit or a lot of pain and or a lack of peace.

Having no desire to get in touch with my sadness and pain I ignored her post. I am excellent at that. I just breezed on through; I read two lines and scanned through the rest. I got it but I really didn’t if you know what I mean.

A few hours later Naitoire Gitonga an ex colleague and friend put up the same exact post-a perfect copy and paste job and sadly I can’t unsee the same text twice- it’s some sort of writer voodoo; you can’t run away twice from the same piece.

First things first all the happy people-get outta here, this is as far as you go. Ride is over. Close tab or whatever it is you need to do. This is not for you- take my advice and scram. Beat it! Go celebrate the ‘greatest birthday ever told.’

I am new to the sad Christmas club; last year I was a bit sad but still somewhat hopeful. My mom was ill, gravely so but I had hope. She taught me that-to have hope-so I did and anyway she had just come back from hospital-she was not going to spend Xmas in hospital.

That was the first time that she missed her beloved Christmas eve mass as far back as I can recall and the first time she missed jobless corner.

What is jobless corner you ask? Excellent question. In the small catholic outpost of Divine Mercy Kariobangi South a unique habit was introduced into the Xmas eve and Easter night festivities a few moons ago when a boisterous padre rolled into town and decided to flip the script of the mass a bit.

His line of reasoning normally goes thus:

Its Xmas eve right?

Are we happy?

The congregation of course would answer in the affirmative.

Then let’s party. Everybody up! DJ Give me a track.

By DJ he meant the choirmaster or the keyboard player and what he meant by party was that he wanted an interval of about 7 or more high energy Xmas tunes out of the choir back to back. Remember this is a catholic mass-the performance of more than two songs back to back is generally frowned upon. A dancing congregation for 5 straight songs is reason for a papal inquiry!

To get the congregation into the mood-sometimes mass goes can have the enthusiasm levels of Parliamentarians during a Budget speech-the Monsignor would take a moment to chide the backbenchers-usually the quietest and least active section of the crowd.

Jobless corner! How are you tonight?

And they would clap a bit harder, or sing a bit louder just to prove they were not really the jobless corner.

My mom who passed away in May this year was a card-carrying member of Jobless Corner. Every year she would joke about it.

Did you hear us? Jobless Corner tumeimba leo!

This is the first year I will not hear a jobless corner joke from her and I somehow have to face that. If you are sad or in pain this Xmas-whatever your situation I hope you have the courage to face your jobless corner; I hope it brings a smile to your face and a bit of hope into your life.

Now go and have a merry Xmas.

 

 

 

A meat wrapping review: The Shocker from Gachoka

At one point in my life I thought I was made for TV after all I possessed solid credentials:  a good command of the English language (I say jump and it bends over like the ratchet to a riddim beat); and when I was five all the women I met called me cute. My pictures from that era still draw the ‘Aaaaaaaaaaw how cute’ effect to this day.

I went for something called a screen test and that was the end of that story. Sadly no one ever thought to extend the same courtesy to Tony Gachoka or if not that a breathlyser at the very least.

Image from Capital FM

My issue is not that Tony Gachoka was drunk on the number one talk show in the country. My gripe is that he was on it in the first place. The Bench is probably the most hallowed piece of wood on TV; those who sit on it should meet a certain cut: intellectually and morally the minimum of which is that they must in some way improve the national conversation.

This demands exceptional men and women capable of animating ideas; and illuminating complex subjects; thinkers, myth busters and explainers-not jokers, rabble rousers or posers. Tony Gachoka falls squarely in the latter demarcation. So too David Matsanga, Miguna Miguna-the list is long.

I understand the rationale of having these guys on the show. They are good for ratings, they are loose cannons and that makes them entertaining but the problem is JKL is not the place for that kind of thing. There are comedy shows for that.

Plus that is taking the easy way out. It’s phoning it in- where is the debate? Or the logic? Or the brilliance? If people are tuning into JKL to laugh then something is very wrong somewhere.

You could argue that these people are provocateurs but by that logic so is the guy with a megaphone in the middle of town yelling about this or other. For a platform of national stature; you provoke with ideas and knowledge not controversy or drivel.

The job of the guest like that of a columnist is to add something to the national conversation; an insight, a spark- even fire on occasion; to improve national understanding and advance our common dialogue.

The truly baffling thing is that Tony is a repeat guest and usually on the subject matter of ‘The State of the Nation.’ If indeed he is the authority on this subject; we should all be afraid.

In his intro Jeff likes to say that he hopes the program has an impact on the future of Kenya. It can certainly do that but he needs to host men and women who can speak directly to that; who can define, refine and shape the way we see ourselves and our society.

Its Handled: Olivia Pope meets Anne Waiguru

PS if you have no idea who Olivia Pope is don’t worry just think of her as a vessel.

Ann Waiguru is seated in Olivia Pope’s office. Her eyes are
wandering across the room. Olivia walks in sits down and
looks at her with stern eyes.

OLIVIA
What do you want?

                                                                       WAIGURU
Excuse me?

OLIVIA
Its a question I ask all my clients
or people am negotiating with. I
already know the answer but I like
to hear them say it. What do you
want?

WAIGURU
I want to keep my job

OLIVIA
Thats not possible. Make another
choice.

WAIGURU
(Determinedly)
I want to keep my job.

OLIVIA
(In sharp tone)
What is wrong with you? There is no
way you are going to keep your job.
There is no scenario available in
which that is possible. Your little
rugby tweet made sure of that. You
will resign or you will be fired
its inevitable. Half of the country
thinks you are the Presidents
mistress the other does not know
what to think. The president’s
opponents are using you to hit at
him everyday and hurt his chances
of re-election. The only reason he
has not fired you is because he
does not want to be seen to be
taking orders from the opposition .
He already set a precedent by
suspending other ministers so you
need to accept the fact that you
will soon be jobless.

(Silence)
WAIGURU
Its not fair I am good at my job.

OLIVIA
(A look of dismay)
No you are not. How could you be?
You are smarter than this Ann.
Condom Dispensers! A Piano! You
cannot be good at your job and have
these things happen to you. It does
not matter whether procurement is
not your job..you must know when
these things happen. You must know
because you are a leader because
you are the boss…because its your
ass on the line; because its your
ministry and your people. You take
responsibility. That’s what leaders
do..you have been taking the
credit. You do not serve at Huduma
Centres but you take the credit and
the awards…you did not dig a
ditch in Kibera but you took the
credit so do not sit here and tell
me you are good at your job. One
last time: WHAT DO YOU WANT?

(SILENCE)
Olivia moves closer and looks her in the eyes.

(whispers)
OLIVIA
What do you want?

(silence)
Fine I will tell you what you want.
You want to be special you want to
be different. You are enjoying the
attention. You want to see if the
president will defend you or if he
will let you go. You are testing
him, testing your relationship. I
have news for you. You do not have
a relationship and no one is going
to stick by you. He is a president
and a politician. He comes first.
He has a job to do and a country to
run-you need to take
responsibility.

Here is a letter of resignation.

Olivia hands her an envelop

OLIVIA
Take it home with you, read it.
Sign it and end this. Don’t make
this thing longer than it needs to
be. Remember you cannot keep your
job. The people won’t let you keep
your job not for 87,000 bob biros
and condom dispensers.

A shell shocked Waiguru takes the envelops and leaves.

OLIVIA
Oh and Ann.

Waiguru turns around

OLIVIA
Stop poking the bear. No more
tweets. I don’t care if Harambee
Stars win the world cup.

Waiguru leaves. Olivia takes out her cell phone and puts it
to her ear.

OLIVIA
Its handled.

Why I don’t stand with Janet

This is a tale of two causes. And two hashtags.

#IstandwithJanet and #FreeNgirachu

Both causes and hashtags center around the media and both speak directly to the function of media in society. One was well executed the other was farcical.

#FreeNgirachu is the obvious story. A journalist was arrested; the media had to rise up and condemn the tyranny-stand up for the truth and the profession. Slam dunk.

#IstandwithJanet is the more complicated story. A media personality develops cancer and the fourth estate goes into overdrive. A concert is planned to raise funds for her treatment: musicians, comedians, editors, writers and public. They all stand up for Janet. Total myopia.

The same freedom of the press that was at the heart of #FreeNgirachu was also at the heart of #IstandwithJanet. The freedom of the media must exist for a purpose or it is about as useful as a socialite’s Instagram account.

If the media fraternity stood with Janet as a friend they did well but if they rallied around her as media professionals which is how it was sold and packaged-they took a piss on the freedom we hold so dearly.

Freedom comes with power. In Janet’s case they misused that power for the benefit of one individual-that’s myopia. Whether it is acknowledged or not Janet’s case was never really about Janet. It was about cancer. No one was standing with Janet. They were standing against the disease that dared to prey on her. They did mighty lousy job of it.

There were full page ads, articles and thousands of tweets but none of them so much as touched on the big picture-cancer in Kenya. Needless to say there will not be a similar response when a sub editor at Taifa leo is unfortunate enough to get cancer; or a cameraman at KBC. Let’s not lie to ourselves.

Janet was an opportunity for the Kenyan media to take up cancer as a cause. To use their power to investigate and educate the nation on the state of the nation vis-à-vis this monster.

Janet Kanini IKua

This was a chance to ask tough questions; to find out how the other thousands of other Kenyans who have this disease and are not fortunate enough to have worked in media are faring; what the status of our facilities are and what needs to be done. This chance was wasted.

This was a chance to have a national conversation about cancer. Instead we had a party and paid for one individual to get treatment. Great.

That is a waste of the power of journalism, media and the entire talents of those combined industries in this country.

We are no better off on cancer than we were before the media took up the cause. The thousands of Kenyans with cancer who are probably living in a broken if not shattered health system who could have used a bit of the spotlight are no better off.

They just have to wait until the next anchor/media personality is unlucky enough to get cancer.